Overcoming Self Sufficiency
By Fr. Adam Laski
Testify: “I tell you, Peter, before the cock crows this day, you will deny three times that you know me.” Luke 22:34. On our best days, we might like to think that we can always be faithful to Jesus. That we have the strength to follow after Christ in every circumstance and that spiritually we are on top of the world. As Peter was deepening in his discipleship with Jesus, he is being invited into the reality that he longs for communion with Jesus. If he has his mind made up that he would be willing to die with him, there must be a huge amount of inner turmoil to come to an awareness of the depths of that commitment.
We cannot come to this commitment to walk with Christ, to die with him, to once and for all except all the cost of discipleship (as Dietrich Bonhoffer called it). We must recognize in ourselves the salient weakness. We cannot force the issue, we cannot come to a commitment in Jesus Christ, which is lasting and unable to be unturned on our own efforts alone.
Jesus’ rebuke of Peter can seem like it is lacking compassion or awareness, but precisely in our self sufficiency, even the Lord Jesus cannot save us, without our willingness. So Peter denies knowing Jesus.
Peter will come to a purified reconciliation with Jesus after the Resurrection. He will weep bitterly for his sins and then be invited to “feed my sheep.” When Peter completely abandons himself into the hands of the good shepherd, he will find the strength in him to stand up on the morning of Pentecost and proclaim Jesus Christ Crucified and Risen from the dead. The power of the passion of Jesus Christ enables humanity to finally find the source of their ability to overcome the selfishness and isolation of sin.
Have you turned over the guise of your self-sufficiency to Jesus in prayer?